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Business
YODEL trials parcel delivery catapult
Parcel delivery firm YODEL is to trial a catapult to improve its ailing delivery service. The catapult, being trialled in Ellesmere Port and Chester,...
British passengers forced to strip for EU airport security following Brexit
Anyone travelling to within the EU on a British passport will now be forced to strip naked for airport security, it has been revealed.
The...
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Entertainment
Rick Astley gives you up following stint in rehab
Quiffed 80’s icon Rick Astley has finally kicked his reliance on you after spending three weeks in rehab.
The Lancastrian entertainer famously insisted he was...
Police helicopter befuddles bemused locals
The presence of the police helicopter in Ellesmere Port causes utter commotion every time it takes to the air, it has been confirmed. The...
Man watching beach volleyball has no idea who is winning
A man has been intensely watching beach volleyball for the past four hours, but doesn’t have any idea who is winning – it has...
Woman asking for recommendations on Facebook really wants the cheapest
An Ellesmere Port woman posting on Facebook for personal recommendations isn’t in the slightest bit interested in the quality, it has been confirmed. Twenty-six-year-old...
Dad annoyed by lack of Bond movie on Boxing Day
A local dad has just had a massive rant at the lack of any James Bond movie on the TV on Boxing Day. The...
The Voice winner once again forgets to tick box allowing publicity
This year's winner of The Voice, thingy, forgot to tick the box on their application form consenting to publicity. This oversight has happened every...
Brighthouse now accepting human souls as payment
Popular chav store, Brighthouse, has confirmed it is now accepting human souls as payment for products in each of its 270+ shops.
The ‘rent to...
Christmas is shit when you’re an adult – discovers 18-year-old
18-year-old Mark Jacobs, from Little Sutton, has discovered this morning that Christmas is really shit when you’re an adult.
Mark turned 18 in October and,...
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