Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant facial expressions they can. The competition attracted entrants from all over Chester, with some really old and rubbery faced trouts making some pretty unpleasant faces.

Her Majesty beat off all commers to win the coveted title, cheered on by that bird from Suits. Suggestions that the Queen won purely because she is the Queen were quashed when those people making the suggestions disappeared without a trace.

The Queen arrived in Runcorn earlier today by train, in another example of trains getting lost and ending up in the wrong place. After realising she was in Runcorn, the Queen quickly left and headed for Chester, bringing with her an American tourist.

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After arriving in Chester, the Queen bought some scoff in Greggs, sank a couple of pints in the Deva Tap before storming to victory in the gurning competition.