An Ellesmere Port man is absolutely certain a bunch of flowers from Sainsbury’s petrol station will be enough to charm his girlfriend into a night of passion.

The man, Dave Jones, lives on Girton Road and his twenty-six-year-old girlfriend Lizzie is from Little Sutton.

Dave, an electrician who drives a white van, bought the second-to-last bouquet left in the flower bin on the garage forecourt earlier today. He’d popped into the garage this afternoon to fill up with Diesel and buy a Yorkie and a pasty.


After filling up, and splashing the diesel around as van drivers do, he noticed two bunches of withered flowers sat in a bucket. He picked up the least pathetic-looking bunch of the two, and paid the £3.

After buying the flowers, Dave said to another bloke who was left with the final bunch in the bin, gloated:

She’s gonna be gagging for it when I give her these. Probably get bum sex too!

Once Dave hands over the half-dead bunch of flowers this evening, he is expected to be shown the door and spend the night alone watching Naked Attraction.