With the UK’s pubs set to open on July 4th a plea has gone out to the country’s professional drinkers to make up the shortfall for the reduced capacity.
Social distancing in pubs means fewer tables, fewer people at the bar and fewer pub goers able to get pissed. There are fears this will destroy the hospitality industry, with pubs being forced to close down across the country. However, the UK has some of the greatest piss heads in the world, according to Tom Stainer – Chief Executive of CAMRA (the Campaign for Real Ale), and they will step up to the bar.
Mr Stainer believes the world-class drinkers we have here in Britain can sustain our pubs through this crisis, but only if they come out in force and do their duty for the nation. Mr Stainer added there is no room for casual drinkers, hipsters, lightweights, wooses and people who order a Guinness last when buying a round. They are simply unwelcome and will hinder the drink effort.
Mr Stainer commented:
Piss heads of Britain. Now is your time. Your pubs need you. Your country needs you.
Come July 4th you must drink like your life depends on it. Drink for yourselves. Drink for others less-able. Drink for Britain!
Once the pubs reopen on July 4th, casual drinkers are advised to stay home as there is no room in pubs for their dithering and half-pint nursing.
Pints will be supped thick and fast, and lightweights will only get in the way. Anyone not able to keep up with the demands of professional drinking are not welcome.
It was also confirmed anyone who even attempts to order a coffee from any bar will be firmly twatted with a two meter stick, and ejected from the establishment immediately.