Cheshire based ‘news’ outlet, Cheshire Live, has announced plans to launch its own 24hr Rolling News Channel dedicated to Cheshire celebrity Kerry Katona.
Cheshire Live has, until recently, had to squeeze in other Cheshire-based news stories around Kerry Katona updates such as ‘Kerry has a breast op‘, ‘Kerry buys some petrol‘ and ‘Kerry tries to get a passport‘. This has left very little time for other non-Kerry stories to be written and published on Cheshire Live’s website and Facebook Page.
Kerry Katona, who used to be semi famous, now lives in Cheshire and it is this single fact that has prompted Cheshire Live to dedicate a full-time journalist to reporting anything and everything Kerry does, no matter how trivial.
It’s become clear to the bosses at Cheshire Live that all Cheshire residents want to hear about is Kerry Katona. This has prompted the outlet to unveil plans for a 24hr rolling news channel, where every single move Kerry makes will be reported on.
Cheshire Live’s Editor, Frances Barrett, commented:
If Kerry takes a shit, we’ll be there. If Kerry drinks some water, we’ll be there. If Kerry does absolutely fuck all, we’ll be there.
Upon hearing the news, followers of Cheshire Live on Facebook were delighted at the prospect of even MORE Kerry Katona news, as the current volume of updates just isn’t enough. Dave Thomas, from Girton Road in Ellesmere Port, commented:
For fuck’s sake haven’t we had enough of this absolute fuck nut of a woman?
The Kerry Katona Rolling 24hr News Channel will go live in a few weeks, and will also be reported on constantly by Cheshire Live because, let’s face it, there’s fuck all else they’ve got to cover news-wise!