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Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Local youth ‘PRAISED’ after shoplifting for others

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A local Ellesmere Port youth, Steve Spanks, was praised by family, neigbours and even the local media after helping out his elderly neighbours during...

Greggs announces sale of first Vegan sausage roll

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Popular cholesterol peddler, Greggs, has today announced the very first sale of a Vegan sausage roll. The completely meat-free sausage rolls were first put on...

CeXual harassment victim sacked from CeX

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Twitter user @gothepleb has detailed an account of where she says she was sexually harassed by a colleague when working for the high street...

Wetherspoon to ‘enhance dining experience’ by microwaving meals at diners’ tables

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The UK's dreariest pub chain, JD Wetherspoon, has announced it intends to compete with the current trend of having meals prepared at your table. Certain...

Sugar Puffs to be renamed ‘Saccharine Shirt Lifters’

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The breakfast cereal that used to be known as Sugar Puffs is to be renamed again, this time to Saccharine Shirt Lifters.

Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs

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Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

Childless Couple Seeks ‘Most Annoying’ Christmas Present for Friends’ Kids

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A childless, incredibly happy, couple from Chester are shopping for the most annoying Christmas present for their friends' kids. Twenty-somethings Jenny and James Rowlands, from...

Local FURY as Cheshire Oaks renamed ‘Chester Oaks’

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Ellesmere Port residents are reportedly furious at the decision to change the name of Cheshire Oaks to Chester Oaks. The name change, which has already...

McDonald’s to trial vending machines in Ellesmere Port

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Peddler of high calorie children’s’ meals, McDonald’s, is to trial new vending machines in Ellesmere Port due to the uproar caused by the recent...

Fat kids turn to cannibalism as McDonalds closes for three months

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As the shocking news emerged today that Cheshire Oaks McDonalds is closing for three months, Ellesmere Port’s fat kids have already started eating each...

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