An Ellesmere Port man was, this morning, shot and killed by police for celebrating St George’s Day. The man, 27-year-old Tom Bates, from Girton Road, was proudly displaying an English flag outside his house, and was wearing Union Jack shorts while drinking an English pint of Stella from a can.
Eye witnesses say the man was in good spirits, and was wishing passers by a Happy St George’s Day. Things turned sharply, however, when armed police arrived in the scene just after 11am, after apparently being called by someone who was offended by Bates’ “overt display of patriotism“.
The police ordered Mr Bates to take down his England flag, and to stop mentioning St George’s Day because it was offensive and racist. Mr Bates refused, and struck up a verse of ‘God Save the Queen‘.
As he approached the end of the first verse, and was unaware of a second verse, he cracked open another can and the sound alarmed the police, who began opening fire. Mr Bates was shot at least six times.
He was pronounced dead on the scene by paramedics.
One eye witness commented:
It was a disgusting and offensive display from Tom Bates. He waved his flag around like he was a proper racist. I was really offended.
Inspector Richard Bumstalker, from Chester, commented:
We’d like to remind everyone that St George’s Day isn’t like other Saints days, and is illegal to celebrate or even mention in England. Anyone caught celebrating St George’s Day can, and will, be arrested and prosecuted with the full force of the law.
Or shot, if my officers get a bit twitchy.
Mr Bates’ wife, Martha, didn’t seem to shocked at the events that unfolded.
Shot by coppers while drinking a Stella, wearing Union Jack shorts, singing the nation anthem and in front of a St George’s cross on St George’s Day – it’s how Tom always dreamed of going. Lucky twat.