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Chester
Thursday, December 3, 2020

Internet DESTROYED as everyone removes Harry Maguire from Fantasy Football Team

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The Internet was broken this morning, for a period of four hours, as everyone in the UK simultaneously attempted to remove ironing-board headed Harry...

Fake crowd sounds at Chelsea games to include racist chanting

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A Premier League spokesperson has confirmed that all of Chelsea FC's remaining home games to be broadcast live will include racist chanting with the...

Harry Kane changes name to ‘Black Lives Matter’ and claims every goal scored this...

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Tottenham striker, Harry Kane, has officially changed his name via deed poll to Black Lives Matter and has lodged a claim with the Premier...

Arsenal to recreate Emirates atmosphere by dubbing silence over behind-closed-door games

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Arsenal F.C. has today confirmed they will be recreating the atmosphere of a packed Emirates when matches resume by pumping silence into the ground...

Premier League confirms Football season to be completed on FIFA

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David Pemsel, the chief executive of the Premier League, this morning confirmed the league season would be completed on the video game FIFA. The Premier...

‘Is this a library?’ updated post-Brexit to ‘is this a factory?’

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The popular sarcastic football chant 'Is this a library?', sung by away fans at football grounds, has been updated following Brexit. The chant is a...

Wrexham to force all away fans to speak Welsh

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Chester FC's bitter rival, Wrexham A.F.C has confirmed that any away fans visiting the Racecourse Ground for football matches will be required to conduct...

Big Sam follows Paltrow with ‘Sweaty Bollocks’ Candle

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Big Sam Allardyce has followed celebrity weirdo Gwynelth Paltrow by releasing a set of candles that whiff of his genitalia. Actress, author and all-round nut-job...

Liverpool’s Fourth Round FA Cup tie to be televised on CBEEBIES

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It has been announced that the Fourth Round FA Cup match between Liverpool and the winner of Bristol City or Shrewsbury will be televised...

Vegan cheese added to Banned Substances List

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The World Anti Doping Agency has confirmed that Vegan cheese has been added to its banned substances list. This means no athlete can consume...

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