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Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Free Agent Messi Refuses to Rule Out Ellesmere Port Town FC

Lionel Messi, now a free agent after his contract with FC Barcelona expired at the end of June, is looking at possible clubs for...

Chester FC Confirms Club Will NOT Be Joining European Super League

A club spokesman for Chester FC has confirmed the club will not be joining the proposed European Super League. The new plans have seen English...

Internet DESTROYED as everyone removes Harry Maguire from Fantasy Football Team

The Internet was broken this morning, for a period of four hours, as everyone in the UK simultaneously attempted to remove ironing-board headed Harry...

Fake crowd sounds at Chelsea games to include racist chanting

A Premier League spokesperson has confirmed that all of Chelsea FC's remaining home games to be broadcast live will include racist chanting with the...

Harry Kane changes name to ‘Black Lives Matter’ and claims every goal scored this...

Tottenham striker, Harry Kane, has officially changed his name via deed poll to Black Lives Matter and has lodged a claim with the Premier...

Arsenal to recreate Emirates atmosphere by dubbing silence over behind-closed-door games

Arsenal F.C. has today confirmed they will be recreating the atmosphere of a packed Emirates when matches resume by pumping silence into the ground...

Premier League confirms Football season to be completed on FIFA

David Pemsel, the chief executive of the Premier League, this morning confirmed the league season would be completed on the video game FIFA. The Premier...

‘Is this a library?’ updated post-Brexit to ‘is this a factory?’

The popular sarcastic football chant 'Is this a library?', sung by away fans at football grounds, has been updated following Brexit. The chant is a...

Wrexham to force all away fans to speak Welsh

Chester FC's bitter rival, Wrexham A.F.C has confirmed that any away fans visiting the Racecourse Ground for football matches will be required to conduct...

Big Sam follows Paltrow with ‘Sweaty Bollocks’ Candle

Big Sam Allardyce has followed celebrity weirdo Gwynelth Paltrow by releasing a set of candles that whiff of his genitalia. Actress, author and all-round nut-job...

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