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Tuesday, February 25, 2020
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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Dolphin gets tattoo of human on its arse

Blue Planet Aquarium, in Ellesmere Port, announced this morning that one of its dolphins had acquired a tattoo. The dolphin, named Jackson, has a...

Cleaner praises man who throws chewing gum into urinal

A seventy-two-year-old woman from Ellesmere Port, Viv Thomas, has heaped praise on an unknown man for constantly spitting his chewing gum into...

CONFIRMED: 97% of chefs wipe their cock on Piers Morgan’s food

A recent poll of the nation's chefs has confirmed that 97% admitted to wiping their cock on Piers Morgan's food before he...

Margaret Thatcher statue to be displayed in Ellesmere Port

The statue of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, is to be displayed in Ellesmere Port, it has been revealed.

Fat kids turn to cannibalism as McDonalds closes for three months

As the shocking news emerged today that Cheshire Oaks McDonalds is closing for three months, Ellesmere Port’s fat kids have already started eating each...

Countess of Chester Hospital replaces Emergency Unit with Healing Crystals Ward

Chester’s nearest hospital has taken the unusual step of scrapping its emergency ward in favour of a new Healing Crystals ward. The move was made...

Facebook post unable to be deleted as woman forgets to add ‘Delete if not...

An Ellesmere Port woman forgot to add ‘delete if not aloud’ to her Facebook post this week, meaning group admins were unable to delete...

Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs

Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

Your mum banned from ‘All You Can Eat’ buffet

Your mum has been banned from an ‘all you can eat’ buffet in Chester, it has been revealed. The news came this week as the...

Whitby Park Summer Jam 2018 to be women only

Next summer’s Summer Jam, in Whitby Park, is to be for women only on the Saturday – it has been revealed. The event was a...

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