An Ellesmere Port man was subjected to a three-hour lecture on how meat is murder after asking for ‘Vegan waffle’ in a local independent café.

The man, 26-year-old Tom from Little Sutton, was expecting to receive a mildly enjoyable pancake type dessert when he asked for the Vegan waffle, but instead had to listen to a Vegan waffle for three hours.

The new café, ‘Tofu 4u’, opened just last week in Ellesmere Port. However, rather than serve actual food it serves ‘experiences’. The Vegan waffle, priced at £7.99 on the menu, isn’t a waffle at all. It is in fact the chance to listen to a Vegan waffle on about shit that isn’t important for what seems like an eternity.

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When asked about his experience at the new ‘café’, Tom replied:

It was horrendous. I only wanted a dessert and instead had to listen to this boring hipster chick prattle on about cows. She was kinda fit, but soooo boring.

Despite only being open a week, the café has already reported slow takings and is projecting to close before the end of the month. The café’s owner, Theresa Leaf-Manning, commented:

It’s almost as if the people of this town don’t want to be educated about not eating meat or dairy products. They’re like total barbarians.