The Beluga XL has arrived in Hawarden, after flying over Chester and Ellesmere Port, to pick up your Ma. Unfortunately, despite its enormous size the huge aircraft still isn’t big enough for your Ma.

Your Ma has been waiting patiently in Hawarden for the gigantic aircraft in the hope she could finally fit on a plane that was capable of getting her off the ground. Despite the best efforts of aerospace engineers, however, the power-to-weight ratio of the Beluga XL still isn’t enough for your Ma’s incredible mass.

A spokesperson for Airbus, Yermas Ashlag, commented:


We were very hopeful this huge aircraft would finally do the job of getting your Ma airborne. Sadly she’s just too fat.

Yermas Ashlag, Swedish Engineer with Airbus

The colossal plane will now be scrapped, and Airbus will go back to the drawing board once more in the hope of one day finding a way to lift your Ma’s mammoth arse off the ground.

More on this story as we get it.


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