A team of scientists, from the University of Wyoming, has made a scientific breakthrough in Chester, of all places. The award-winning team has been trying to discover new signs of life for the past nine years and, this week, they confirmed their findings to the global scientific community.

After a research trip to Wetherspoon’s, in Chester, the team discovered what appeared to be an aggressive fungus manifesting in the carpet near the bar. The fungus, after extensive tests, has been confirmed to not only be a new previously undiscovered lifeform but is also both intelligent and sentient.

The lead scientist, Doctor Richard Splash, confirmed the fungus showed above-average signs of intelligence for something found in a Wetherspoon’s.


The fungus has, apparently, already expressed very strong views on immigration, Brexit and the validity of women’s football.

Doctor Splash added:

It’s incredible. The fungus is more informed on foreign politics than the average Britain, never mind the average Wetherspoon’s customer. It still wants out of Europe though.

When asked how the new form of life could have evolved, Doctor Splash confirmed the build up of thousands of spills over the years, combined with the complete absence of ever being cleaned, has led to a primordial soup-style situation in Wetherspoon’s. He added that other Wetherspoon’s throughout the UK could also be host to new life.

We could be experiencing an evolution on Earth. Wetherspoon’s could be the source of the next form of dominant life on this planet.

Have you discovered signs of intelligent life in Wetherspoon’s? Let us know in the comments below.


  1. Something mutated from an item from the Mexican Monday menu, in the Stockport Spoons.
    It has taken on a near human form, works in the IT industry and has become a freemason. It drinks bud light and fancy gin.

  2. Us people in the ‘Square Bottle’ were out socialising with friends, not sitting alone at a computer thinking up spiteful insults about others.


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