New Cheshire Oaks fashion store tells shoppers “You’re too ugly to enter”
A new up-market fashion brand, recently opened in Cheshire Oaks, has caused uproar among locals by telling some shoppers they are “too ugly to...
Wetherspoon to ‘enhance dining experience’ by microwaving meals at diners’ tables
The UK's dreariest pub chain, JD Wetherspoon, has announced it intends to compete with the current trend of having meals prepared at your table.
Certain...
CeXual harassment victim sacked from CeX
Twitter user @gothepleb has detailed an account of where she says she was sexually harassed by a colleague when working for the high street...
12 arrests and 9 seriously injured in crazed Port Arcades bike protest
A peaceful bike protest turned into a bloodbath this afternoon after protestors and security guards clashed in Ellesmere Port. The bike protest, which was...
Local FURY as Cheshire Oaks renamed ‘Chester Oaks’
Ellesmere Port residents are reportedly furious at the decision to change the name of Cheshire Oaks to Chester Oaks.
The name change, which has already...
Fat kids turn to cannibalism as McDonalds closes for three months
As the shocking news emerged today that Cheshire Oaks McDonalds is closing for three months, Ellesmere Port’s fat kids have already started eating each...
Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs
Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.
Boris walked out of the job...
Coinstar CEO laughing tits off at poor who give him money
The CEO of Coinstar, Erik E. Prusch, has been laughing his absolute tits off at all of the poor people who chuck their money...
Geoffrey found HANGED in Chester branch of Toys R Us
The Toys R Us giraffe, known as Geoffrey, was discovered this morning hanged in the Chester branch of the store. Police do not suspect...
Ellesmere Port Asda first to hire FAT PEOPLE as human bicycle racks
Chubby trouser tamers can now earn some extra pasty money by acting as bicycle racks outside Asda in Ellesmere Port.
The move was announced this...
