Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

Boris walked out of the job peddling the Quaker Oats cereal in 2014 after they changed the name to Honey Monster Puffs. Boris has always preferred the original names of things, such as whiff-whaff to table tennis, and objected when Sugar Puffs changed its name by quitting his job at the time.

The Sugar Puffs name change was an attempt to convince Facebook mums groups and ‘hun bloggers’ that the cereal wasn’t just crap filled with sugar. Quaker Oaks believed they could sell the sugar-coated substance to dim-witted mums if they replaced the word ‘Sugar’ with the healthier words ‘Honey Monster’.


This outraged the hair covered ‘monster’ Johnson, and led to him storming out of the company to become a politician. Now, after several years ruining the UK and shagging anything that moved, he is to return to Quaker Oats and, once again, ask mummy to tell them about the honey.

A shaggy blonde haired, clumsy, mentally challenged oaf who utters complete nonsense before eating Sugar Puffs; Boris Johnson is looking forward to getting started in his new position.


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