Man unexpectedly receives lecture on how ‘meat is murder’ after ordering Vegan waffle
An Ellesmere Port man was subjected to a three-hour lecture on how meat is murder after asking for ‘Vegan waffle’ in a local independent...
500 DEAD as Stanlow fire sparks Ellesmere Port Purge
A raging fire at the Stanlow Oil Refinery yesterday sparked Ellesmere Port’s first annual PURGE, which saw over 500 people killed during the evening’s...
Ellesmere Port votes ‘NO’ on incest ban
A proposed ban on inbreeding in Ellesmere Port, the last UK town where the practice is permitted, has been heavily defeated in this weekend’s...
40-year-old toy collector definitely NOT a sociopath
A man in his early forties has revealed he is absolutely not a sociopath, despite his preference for small plastic robots over people.
The man,...
Grapes reclassified as ‘wine foetuses’ by alcohol rights campaigners
A bold campaign by alcohol rights groups is expected to be successful in labelling grapes as wine foetuses, giving grapes the same rights as...
Shitting in a cupboard voted best thing about caravan holidays
In a recent survey of caravaners from The Caravan Club, taking a shit in a cupboard came top of the most enjoyed things about...
2,500 people inadvertently sign petition BACKING Gypsy and Traveller site in Ellesmere Port
A double-negative has meant that over 2,500 people have signed an online petition BACKING the creation of a proposed transit site in Ellesmere Port...
Fat kids turn to cannibalism as McDonalds closes for three months
As the shocking news emerged today that Cheshire Oaks McDonalds is closing for three months, Ellesmere Port’s fat kids have already started eating each...
Queen wins Chester’s inaugural gurning competition
Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant...
Couple insists hot tub isn’t a sex stew
A CHESTER couple has recently claimed their new hot tub isn’t a sex stew, contrary to the opinions of their friends and public perception.
The...
