A bold campaign by alcohol rights groups is expected to be successful in labelling grapes as wine foetuses, giving grapes the same rights as wine.

Under the proposed new UK legislation, it would be illegal to eat grapes before they have had the chance to reach their full potential and become wine.

The move has been given the backing of anti-abortion campaigners, who believe the British public is more likely to get behind the joint-proposals if alcohol is, quite literally, on the table.


A ‘pro-life’ campaigner commented about their aligning themselves with the alcohol campaign:

Nobody cares about anti-abortion, but everyone cares about getting pissed. Maybe now Britain will sit up and take notice. Pro-life, pro-booze!

She added:

It also helps that getting shit-faced and getting pregnant go hand-in-hand. It’s a win-win for us.

Wine expert, Susy Atkins, commented:

Eating grapes is a crime against nature. Under our proposed legislation it will be banned. Grapes are wine too!

If the proposed legislation is made into law, supermarkets will be given 30 days to end the sale of grapes. Anyone caught eating grapes could face up to six months imprisonment, and a fine of £30,000.


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