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Friday, January 22, 2021

Politics

From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Multi-millionaire Nigel Farage ‘on my side’ insists feckless moron

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Feckless moron, Steve Dobbs, insists Nigel Farage is on his side and is a ‘man of the people’. Despite working a zero hours contract that...

Phil Jones appointed new Secretary of State for Defence

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Manchester United ace, Phil Jones, has been appointed by PM Theresa May as the new Secretary of State for Defence for the United Kingdom. The...

Teenager explains why UK government’s porn block is bollocks

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A random teenager, named Kevin, has explained why the recently announced porn block that hopes to restrict teenagers under the age of 18 from...

Facebook Likes marginally better than prayers, confirms Pope

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Pope Francis has today confirmed that Facebook 'likes' are marginally better than prayers when it comes to offering them in support of a worthwhile...

Tommy Robinson urges supporters to boycott social media

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People's champion, Tommy Robinson, has called for his army of loyal fans to boycott social media until his Facebook account is restored. Tommy was banned...

Gammons tell Shamima Begum to stay on International Space Station

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British Schoolgirl, Shamima Begum, has been told by the UK's gammons to remain on the International Space Station. Shamima left the UK in 2015, from...

Disaster movies where government ignores scientists reclassified as documentaries

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Big-budget Hollywood disaster movies, such as 2012 and San Andreas, have been reclassified as documentaries by the Internet Movie Database (IMDB). In the movies, scientists...

Margaret Thatcher statue to be displayed in Ellesmere Port

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The statue of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, is to be displayed in Ellesmere Port, it has been revealed. The statue, which cost a modest...

Government hires YODEL to deliver Brexit

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In a move of unrivaled incompetence, the Tory government has hired parcel-delivery shirkers YODEL to deliver Brexit. YODEL, it was revealed by this week's...

Piers Morgan still a cunt

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It was today confirmed that annoying fat head, Piers Morgan, is still a cunt. Rumours were circulating online yesterday that the argumentative tosspot was no longer...

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