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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Gammon Furious Polish Immigrants get their own ‘station’

A particularly angry gammon, from Ellesmere Port, was reportedly FURIOUS today when he saw that Polish Immigrants had their own station. Kevin ‘Brains’ Thomas,...

Ellesmere Port becomes first UK town to ditch roundabout rules

In a bold move, Ellesmere Port has become the first town in Britain to ditch roundabout regulations, it has been revealed. Council leaders announced...

Piers Morgan still a cunt

It was today confirmed that annoying fat head, Piers Morgan, is still a cunt. Rumours were circulating online yesterday that the argumentative tosspot was no longer...

Facebook Likes marginally better than prayers, confirms Pope

Pope Francis has today confirmed that Facebook 'likes' are marginally better than prayers when it comes to offering them in support of a worthwhile...

Post-Brexit citizenship test to include cheering when barman drops a glass

There’s nothing more British than revelling in another’s misfortune, and that will be tested in the new citizenship test to be implemented after Brexit. Rather...

Furbies provide valuable insight into future Trump / Boris meetings

As whimsical feckless moron, Boris Johnson, moves closer to taking control of the United Kingdom, a pair of Furbies has shown what a future...

Gammons enraged nobody wants to own f*cking up the UK

The nation’s gammons are said to be furious that nobody wants to take ownership for utterly f*cking up the country. Today saw Dominic Raab, the...

Zombie Apocalypse broke out in Ellesmere Port 6 weeks ago – NOBODY noticed

Ellesmere Port has been confirmed as Ground Zero for the zombie apocalypse, although the people of Ellesmere Port are completely unaware of anything out...

England Car Flags BANNED by Brussels

Police instructed to issue £50 spot fines for anyone caught with them on their cars. In a parting shot against the UK, European bureaucrats...

500 DEAD as Stanlow fire sparks Ellesmere Port Purge

A raging fire at the Stanlow Oil Refinery yesterday sparked Ellesmere Port’s first annual PURGE, which saw over 500 people killed during the evening’s...

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