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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Compulsory purchase order may pave way for Disneyland: Ellesmere Port

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A secret compulsory purchase order may see as many as 175 Ellesmere Port homes bought up by the Disney Corporation to construct one of...

BMW issues apology after selling car to man who isn’t a twat

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German car manufacturer, BMW, has issued a full and unreserved apology after it emerged they sold a car to a man who isn’t a...

Coinstar CEO laughing tits off at poor who give him money

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The CEO of Coinstar, Erik E. Prusch, has been laughing his absolute tits off at all of the poor people who chuck their money...

Scientists: Keith Richards’ DNA key to Coronavirus cure

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Leading scientists have confirmed that immortal rocker, Keith Richards, holds the key to a cure for Coronavirus. Keith Richards, whose age is reported at a...

Tories launch Twat replacement service

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As the Tories lose yet another twat, Therese May has followed the nation’s woeful train operators in launching a ‘twat replacement service’. Train operators, such...

NRA approved targets featuring school children to go on sale

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The NRA (National Rifle Association) is to release a set of shooting targets depicting school and college kids to help passionate shooters maximise their...

Spice Girls to perform at Whitby Sports & Social Club

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90s girl group, the Spice Girls, have added Ellesmere Port’s Whitby Sports & Social Club to their tour dates for 2019. The Spice Girls, who...

500 DEAD as Stanlow fire sparks Ellesmere Port Purge

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A raging fire at the Stanlow Oil Refinery yesterday sparked Ellesmere Port’s first annual PURGE, which saw over 500 people killed during the evening’s...

‘Is this a library?’ updated post-Brexit to ‘is this a factory?’

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The popular sarcastic football chant 'Is this a library?', sung by away fans at football grounds, has been updated following Brexit. The chant is a...

Queen wins Chester’s inaugural gurning competition

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Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant...

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