The Internet was broken this morning, for a period of four hours, as everyone in the UK simultaneously attempted to remove ironing-board headed Harry Maguire from their Fantasy Football Team ahead of the weekend’s fixtures.
Maguire, whose father advertised Tefal products in the 1980s, was a popular choice among Fantasy Football players at the start of the season due to his Titanic-sinking sized head being a magnet for the ball in opposition penalty areas. However, the Klingon masquerading as a footballer, with the turning circle of a cross-channel ferry, has made a number of high profile errors of late costing players valuable Fantasy Football points.
The latest error made by the monolith-bonced Manchester United player, saw him being red-carded last night during England’s humiliating home defeat to Denmark.
The realisation that Harry ‘Brainiac’ Maguire, despite being blessed with a head the size of a dwarf planet, is in fact absolutely shite at every aspect of football, including heading the ball, has finally dawned on the last remaining Fantasy Football players who persisted with him in their squads.
Technology experts warn of a similar Internet outage this weekend, following the Merseyside Derby, when tiny-armed T-Rex Pickford is expected to demonstrate the ball is always just out of his reach against Liverpool. Fantasy Football players are advised to transfer Pickford before the weekend.