UK Prime Minister, Boris ‘Shagger’ Johnson has today confirmed the birth of a baby he knows about.

While becoming a father isn’t a new experience for Bojo, indeed most days there are babies born in the UK who have been sired by his wayward loins, becoming a father to a child he is aware of is relatively rare.

The current recipient of Boris’ groin thrusts, Carrie Symonds, gave birth to the latest in a very long line of mini Bojos earlier this morning. The child is her first, and Boris’ 147th this morning, although officially Boris puts the count at only five he is aware of. NHS staff confirmed the ‘350 million per week‘ Boris promised the NHS actually referred to children he had fathered, rather than pounds sterling he was going to hand over.


Boris, who only returned to work a couple of days ago after spending a few weeks in hospital, took some more time off to watch the latest of his litter emerge from the nether regions of unmarried Miss Symonds. After congratulating the mother, shaking hands with all the hospital staff on the ward and handing cigars out to all of the other patients, Boris is expecting to get back to his day job later this week – of siring more children with unsuspecting women.

He may do some politicking sometime next week if he isn’t too busy.


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