German car manufacturer, BMW, has issued a full and unreserved apology after it emerged they sold a car to a man who isn’t a complete twat.
The man, twenty-three-year-old Jason Hitchens from Ellesmere Port, bought the car from the dealership last November. The dealer believed Jason to be a twat, the requirement for anyone wishing to purchase a BMW, because he was wearing a flat cap. However, new information emerged last month showing that Jason was, in fact, a fairly decent bloke.
Jason works in Cheshire Oaks, in Paul Smith, and is described by customers and colleagues alike as ‘a nice guy who is always there to help when needed’. BMW was left further red-faced when traffic cameras caught Jason letting someone out at a junction.
The German car manufacturer realised its huge mistake when, in a recent trip to Morrisons, Jason parked his BMW in a space, within the lines, and left plenty of room either side for other drivers to access the doors of their cars.
After seeing this evidence, Clive Thomas, the salesman who sold the car to Jason, commented:
What can I say? We’ve fucked up. I thought Jason was a major twat. Turns out he’s a nice guy. We’re really sorry we’ve made this mistake and we’re doing all we can to get the car back from him.
Upon hearing the apology from BMW, Jason was mortified. He added:
I had no idea you had to be a twat to drive a BMW. I wondered why I needed to get the car modified before the indicators would work.
Jason is insistent he is keeping the car, and is adamant driving around in a certified twat-mobile won’t change him.
Spot on.