In a recent poll of the best chat-up lines used in the north of England, the outstanding winner with 67% of the votes was ‘don’t turn this rape into a murder’, by Ellesmere Port local James Atkins.

James, who spends his nights out in Chester, claims the chat-up line has a very high success rate among Cestrian women, with at least half of them falling for it. The other half, he explains, are disgusted and usually respond with screams, violence or they call the police.

James insists, however, the risks associated with using the chat-up line are well worth it due to its high success rate.


In the poll, conducted by a dating website, “don’t turn this rape into a murder” was the clear winner but other chat-up lines were also very popular across the north of England.

Other lines to make the top 10 include:

  • I’ve been going through your bins and I think we have a lot in common.
  • How would you like to become a single mother?
  • Does anybody know you’re here?
  • I’m going for a wank. Want to lend a hand?

When local-lad James discovered his chat-up line was voted the best, he was pleased but equally concerned that others would start using it and devalue its effectiveness. He believes he may need to up his game should this happen. James commented:

If people start using my line it might stop working for me. No worries though, I’ve been working on a new one involving zip ties, a van and an oily rag. I hope to debut it next weekend. Wish me luck.

What do the Bugle’s reader’s think of James’ chat-up line? Have you heard it? Would it work on you? Let us know in the comments below.



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