Whisking your hands quickly between two taps is by far the most effective way to wash your hands, say Brits.

While the rest of the world uses something called a ‘mixer tap’, the British insist that using one scolding hot tap and one freezing cold tap is a much better way of doing things. The scolding hot tap should be so hot that you can’t hold your hands under it for more than a second, before you have to counter the temperature with the freezing cold tap.

The thrill of the extreme heat, counter-balanced with the extreme cold, is what keeps Brits interested in washing their hands, it has been confirmed.


On a recent visit to the UK, American student Chuck Bud Levi III, commented:

Whad the fuk? You guys are nuts man. Why don’t you just have one faucet at the correct temperature?

After Googling the word ‘faucet’ and discovering it was Yank for ‘tap’, a British spokesperson from Chester replied:

Get lost yer Yankie bastard, leave our British taps alone!

Europeans are equally perplexed at why the British are so insistent on inflicting third degree burns on themselves after having a shit, but Brits care not for their opinions. That’s why we voted leave in the first place.

If Brits want to melt their own skin just to wash their hands, we will!


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