Piers Morg*n and Donald Tr*mp met this weekend, to decide once and for all who was the bigger bellend. The Two Twitter Twats locked horns for a TV debate, where they attempted to discover which was the greater helmet.

Piers Morg*n, the current UK champion in the prick stakes, took on the reigning US and World Champion ballsack, Donald Tr*mp.

The meeting of the morons took place this weekend on ITV, which was classed as a home fixture for fat-headed fuckwit Piers Morg*n.

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The Arsenal-supporting gobshite grilled the US president on his views on immigration, people who wear towels on their heads, and outsourcing wall-building to Mexicans. During the debate, the American orangutan was matched in his buffoonery by the UK’s greatest dickhead, Piers.

The two great knobends exchanged twattery for several hours, to a TV audience smaller than the one watching the news on the BBC. Tr*mp was asked if he’d apologise for sharing racists tweets from the vile Britain First deputy Führer Jayda Fransen, and in a move of brilliant twattishness he advised he would apologise if he knew he had retweeted racist content – but he didn’t know, so didn’t apologise.

First class Tomfuckery there from the World Champion, who is always thinking two twats ahead. Piers was visibly impressed by such a dick move.

The battle was blighted by a common language barrier, with Piers speaking in fluent wanker, and Donald only possessing a smattering of arsehole. For example, the World Champion was unfamiliar with the term ‘twat’ – which is ironic, considering he’s a massive one.

The president, on hearing he was a twat, commented:

I am what the British call a ‘Twat’ – The Wonderful American Trump. I am honoured to be a twat.

While the two belligerent bastards battled, Twitter received a brief respite from their inane bullshit. The task of spreading venom to an eager, inbred audience, fell to septic hag Katie Hopkins – the current undisputed Women’s Champion.

The battle ended with neither competitor giving an inch, and a replay has been scheduled to take place in three weeks’ time, this time on Tr*mp’s turf in Washington DC.