The nation’s cats have issued a statement saying they’re out out, not just out, and they’re fed up of people asking if anyone’s seen them.

Cats across the UK have had a guts full of their part-time owners posting on social media sites such as Facebook asking if anyone has seen ‘Tiddles’ or ‘Rory’ when they’re trying to do whatever evil things cats do.

It seems that barely a few minutes passes without some insecure cat owner panicking that their beloved fur ball may have met their demise, or decided to leave them for a better owner.

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Facebook is awash on a daily basis with cat lovers complaining that they haven’t seen their cat for 15 minutes, or asking their neighbours to keep an eye out for their cat. Cats have had enough, it has been confirmed.

Mr Grumple Puss, the spokesperson for cats in the UK, issued a statement this morning. He commented:

For F*ck’s sake leave us be will ya? We’re trying to be all hard n’ shit, and you’re all ‘ooh, where’s me cat?’

Mr Grumple Puss also has a message for his owner, Debbie from Ellesmere Port. He stated:

Your food’s shit, your house stinks and the neighbours have salmon. Guess where I’ll be this Christmas?

  • You bloody liar. You told me you would keep that a secret, but you pilfered my plans and now she’ll be out to find me again. I shoulda known not to trust in you, not with that look in your twisted eyes. I’ll be sure to let the rest know about you. They’re gonna know. You’ll never get us again!

  • Oh! Mr Tootle-kins is lost! Do you happen to know where he is? He has two big black eyes, a coat of fur, four legs, a tail, a head, a body, and all! He’s a cat, just like any other! Do try to help find him, please!
    Here’s a picture (I drew it myself):
    , ,
    O__,
    // \\
    Thank you!

  • Urgh.
    They just keep coming.
    One after the other. Again and again. Never ending, never stopping. I just want peace. I want freedom.