A local drilling firm, LMR Drilling UK Ltd, based in Birkenhead, has made the revolutionary step of swapping expensive diamond drill bits for Holiday Inn butters, it has been revealed.

Diamonds have been used within drilling for decades, as they are one of the toughest substances known to man and make excellent tips for drills that have to have bore through solid rock. However, LMR Drilling has found an even tougher substance to use on their drill bits, and one much cheaper – Holiday Inn butters.

The idea came to the secretary of LMR Drilling when he was staying at the Holiday Inn, Ellesmere Port, for a conference last Summer.


Mark Seamans was at the Holiday Inn, Ellesmere Port, when he went down for breakfast. He picked up a full English, some toast and three of the small packets of butter the hotel offers for guests. When he tried to spread the butter his knife snapped off at the hilt, catapulting the blade across the restaurant.

It was at this point he had a brainwave. The butters could be used for drilling.

Mark commented:

I couldn’t believe how hard they were. There was no getting the knife in, never mind spreading them.

Mark took some of the butters back to his office for testing, and found they were three times the density of diamonds.

It was incredible. These things were off the scale when it comes to toughness.

LMR Drilling has struck a deal with the Holiday Inn for exclusive use of its butters in all of their drilling projects across the world, which Mark Seamans hopes will give his company the edge over the competition.

The general manager of the Holiday Inn, Ellesmere Port, Matt Knight, commented:

We’re very excited by this partnership with LMR Drilling, and we’re delighted someone has found a use for our butters as none of our guests have ever been able to crack into them.

What do the Bugle’s readers think of this partnership? Have you had an accident trying to break into a Holiday Inn butter? Let us know in the comments below.


  1. Now, don’t forget! I told you about how much they paid us. It was a fortune; a delightful heap of money. We can’t even count it, as we were never taught how. They could have been like our other customers who steal our butters left and right, but they paid. We’re very excited about this, and we want to make sure that they earn the press they deserve.

  2. I get it, I get it, but please help us out here. That’s not our calling in life. We were brought up on the notion of being crushed into food and the gobs of those filthy animals, not the comparatively clean dirt and rocks!

  3. Now lookey ere
    wat ye be doing with our jobs
    come on
    give me back before its too late
    were hardest here
    you cant stand up to us eh

    do it please
    give us our jobs

  4. I used to go there on a daily basis. I went for no more than the butters, you hear? I loved the feeling of trying to crack them open, day after day, only to fail time and time again! It was a trial, and I was destined to overcome it, you see? But now I cannot. It is gone. The whole trial; poof. The wind took it, they say. The drills took it, they say. But I know better. It was a conspiracy. They planned it all, just to attack me, you hear? You better make sure this is known.


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