Local Ellesmere Port train spotter, Colin Bland, claims to have 99 problems in his life but the bitch, he says, is not amongst them.

Colin has been spotting trains for 30 years, and claims to lead a rich and fulfilling life – but one that does have its problems. 99 of them in fact. One of Colin’s problems is sharpening his pencil during the colder months, as his fingers are too cold to grip the sharpener.

Colin says his ‘bitch’ isn’t a problem because he doesn’t have one… not yet at least.


He does have a girl he has his eye on. Her name is Melanie and she lives two doors down from Colin, on Station Road. However, despite Colin’s insistence that Melanie could be ‘the one’, Melanie has a different opinion. We asked Melanie about Colin, and she commented:


When we explained who Colin was, and showed her a photo, she added:

Oh that weirdo. I’ve seen him peering through my window. Tell him I’m calling the police if he does it again.

Colin believes this is just Melanie’s high spirits, as she’s playing hard to get. Colin does admit to having some real problems though.

Among Colin’s problems is the issue of keeping his tea hot throughout the day, while he looks out for the next Merseyrail train on the Wirral line. Colin says his tea, which he makes at 5am when he sets out for a day’s spotting, usually stays warm until just before lunch but usually starts to go cold around 1pm.


  1. Nah The 99 was like an exaggeration. Dont gotta take it literally, k? She ll never be a problem, I tell ya She loves me. I’ve seen it in her eyes as I looked through that ere window of hers. The glint as they narrowed. Yea, that was love Ya know? Just don’t go spreading tales, k? This ere’s a tale Ye never asked her Ye just stalk me so much. I know ya do Yer not the only one, an I don’ blame ya. heck, if I weren’t me, I’d do it myself too That way I’d see trains and meself at tha same time. Itd be great, ya?


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