Ellesmere Port and Newport go head-to-head for UK’s shittest Port


The towns of Ellesmere Port, in Cheshire, and Newport in South Wales are neck and neck in the final for the prestigious title of the UK’s Shittest Port.

Ellesmere Port narrowly defeated local rival Southport in the Northern Final, and Newport trounced Portsmouth for the Southern title. Now the two Ports are locked in a battle for the national title, which Newport hopes to take back to Wales for a second year in a row.

Last year’s winner, Port Talbot, was expected to win again this year but the town’s entry committee forgot to submit their entry on time.


For the third year running, this year’s title will be decided by a social media vote on Twitter. To vote for Newport, you need to tweet using the hashtag #ShitNewport and, for Ellesmere Port, you need to tweet using the hashtag #ShitEllesmerePort. Fans of both towns have been tweeting relentlessly over the last few weeks.

To vote for Newport:

I'm voting for Newport as the UK's Shittest Port #ShitNewport Click To Tweet

To vote for Ellesmere Port:

I'm voting for Ellesmere Port as the UK's Shittest Port #ShitEllesmerePort Click To Tweet

A spokesman for Ellesmere Port is extremely confident of victory over their South Wales rival, commenting:

Of course we’ll win. Ellesmere Port LITERALLY smells of shit. We’ve got our own treatment works here.

Local rival to the Bugle, The Chester Chronicle, wrote about the town’s nasty smell some years ago.

However, Dai Williams, from Newport’s bidding team, is equally convinced his town will emerge triumphant. He commented:

They nose we’ll win innit. They’s running scared from us like. We’re the shittest port isn’t it.

Both Ports have a strong claim to the title, and have listed their reasons in their original bids. Ellesmere Port brought out the big guns, citing their famed son Lee Latchford Evans – better known as Lee, from Steps, as their ‘Shit Port’ torchbearer. Newport, however, also has a strong terrible music connection, and cited Goldie Lookin Chain’s ‘Maggot’ (or Andrew Major, to his ma) as their golden standard of crapness.

One area Newport excels over Ellesmere Port in terms of shitness is in its Wetherspoon pubs. While Ellesmere Port only has the one, Newport boasts three Wetherspoon pubs where locals can go for a pint and a fight.

Newport also boats the highest crime-rate per capita in Wales, something locals are particularly proud of.

Who will you vote for in this hotly contested competition?



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