A childless, incredibly happy, couple from Chester are shopping for the most annoying Christmas present for their friends’ kids.

Twenty-somethings Jenny and James Rowlands, from Curzon Park, have been scouring the shops around Chester, and throughout Cheshire Oaks, looking for the perfect present for the children of their friends Ian and Libby Dyer, from Ellesmere Port.

At first the couple had intended to get a pet rabbit, as they knew the children’s mum, Libby, would end up looking after it. However they felt a rabbit was ‘too easy’ to dispose of, and would afford the friends the opportunity to claim it just ‘ran away’ when, in reality, it was battered and buried in the garden.


James Rowlands was considering a Nerf gun, as children packing Nerf can be incredibility annoying. This idea was dismissed, however, as they believed the children’s father, Ian, would actually quite enjoy the present.

The couple finally settled on a musical instrument, as nothing annoys parents more than their children talentlessly bashing away at some half-arsed tune without any real notion of timing. A guitar was too expensive and a keyboard was too quiet, explained James.

They might get headphones for that.

The smug couple eventually decided on a drum kit. Jenny gleamed:

This will really piss off our friends. We’re getting it!

The couple now can’t wait for the inevitable text on Christmas Day from their friends, proclaiming them ‘F*cking Bastards!’.


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