Popular chav store, Brighthouse, has confirmed it is now accepting human souls as payment for products in each of its 270+ shops.
The ‘rent to buy’ store, famous for charging two or three times the price for items shoppers could easily purchase elsewhere, made the move after its CEO Hamish Paton struck a deal with the Dark Lord, Satan.
Brighthouse struck the deal with the Antichrist after running into trouble with the financial regulator last year, and being ordered to repay £14.8 million to unhappy customers.
It is believed that deals for human souls falls outside the jurisdiction of the Financial Conduct Authority.
In a press conference held at the weekend, Mr Paton announced:
Thanks to our new partnership with Satan, we’re able to offer customers the choice of paying either 300% the value of their purchases, or they can sign over a human soul to be condemned to an eternity in the raging fires of hell.
Paton went on to explain.
It doesn’t have to be their soul, either. You can sign over the soul of your first born, but it does have to be before they are born otherwise the contract with Satan isn’t valid.
Speaking about the deal, the Prince of Darkness added:
I’m delighted to strike a deal with a retailer who shares my values. Brighthouse has committed to providing Hell with over 2,000 souls per year for the next five years. We’re very excited about the partnership.
Brighthouse hopes this new partnership with Lucifer will lead to a prosperous 2018, as there will always be people desperate to own a substandard big screen TV and they won’t quibble over the fine print in the contract if it means they walk out of the store with it that day.
