Louie Spence has convened a meeting of the nation’s top gays to discuss the recent accusations from religious leaders. The gays have been blamed for causing hurricanes, floods and all manner of natural disasters across the globe by people who believe in fairies in the sky.
Some of the leading gays in the UK gathered in Brighton this weekend to discuss the accusations, and formulate a response. Reporters assembled outside the Cock and Balls nightclub, where the meeting took place, anxiously awaiting a statement from the gays.
At approximately 5am this morning, Louie Spence emerged, pirouetted, and addressed the media. His response was expected to categorically deny any responsibility for the weather phenomenon, but the media was shocked when he took credit for the recent events on behalf of gays around the world.
We, the gays, have had enough of being dithparaged (sic) by people in bad frocks. We’re going to thend (sic) a big whirly windy thing to Texath (sic).
Spence then performed the splits, before bending over to touch his toes.
The news came as a huge shock to the huddled journalists, but not to one observer who commented:
Of course the gays are responsible for the bad storms. It’s obvious. They’re not even trying to hide it. They leave a big f*cking rainbow behind after every storm to tell people it was them.