Following Dry January, where hoity-toity people bang on about not drinking for the whole month, booze hounds have called for a ‘Wet February’, where drinking every day is to be observed.

Every year, following the Christmas excesses, really annoying people make it clear to all that they’ve given up alcohol for the month of January. One thing they don’t give up, however, is telling everyone at every available opportunity, that they’ve given up alcohol.

Proper drinkers have to hide their drinking from colleagues, family members and even partners for fear of being judged.

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To combat the self-righteous imbeciles who just won’t shut up about not drinking, professional drinkers have demanded a Wet February to follow Dry January. The rules of Wet February are simple, anyone observing the month should drink every day, without fail. In addition to drinking every day, they should also make every effort to tell everyone they meet that they’re drinking this month.

Wet February should be evangelised about as much as Dry January.

Beer enthusiast Robert Murray, known as Fat Bob to his friends, is spearheading the campaign. Fat Bob commented:

Dry January pisses me off every year. Bunch of tossers banging on about how healthy they’re being. We need Wet February, where everyone gets pissed every day. No exceptions.

Fat Bob was due to attend a radio interview today on Dee 106.3 to speak about Wet February, but couldn’t make it as he had breathing problems and was rushed to the Countess of Chester Hospital. He wanted the Bugle to mention he’d be out later at the Woodies in Ellesmere Port, if anyone wanted to join him.