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Animals to be released into Chester in event of closure – confirms Chester Zoo


Shopping in Chester is expected to get more hazardous following the announcement by Chester Zoo that all of its animals will be released into the city should the zoo be forced to close.

Chester Zoo announced earlier this week that it won’t be allowed to open as it expected following the government’s ruling, meaning it needs to raise money in order to stay operational. This has led to today’s shock announcement that, should the zoo be forced to close its doors for good, the animals would just be released into the city to fend for themselves.

This means that trips to Chester, which are already very difficult because of social distancing, would become almost impossible if you also have to dodge attacks by lions, tigers and leopards.

A spokesperson for Chester confirmed earlier today that if they shut their doors for good, the doors to the cages will all be opened. He added:

These animals need constant care and feeding. If we can’t do that, we’ll just have to release them into Chester to fend for themselves. We’ve a very hungry lion who’s really looking forward to visiting the amphitheater like his ancestors once did.

Should the doors to the cages be flung open, experts predict the penguins and seals will head straight for the River Dee, whereas the monkeys will head to Ellesmere Port to be with their fellow feces throwers on The Wezzy.

The hippos and the elephants are expected to make their way to Swansway Chester Stadium where they can wallow in the mud that passes for a pitch.

Critics have said that releasing the animals into the wild isn’t a very good idea, as it could damage the delicate ecosystem that exists in Chester and Ellesmere Port. Doctor Gustav B’Olox commented:

Releasing a load of dangerous predators into the wild is an extremely irresponsible thing to do. Look what happened when the BBC did that after closing its offices in London?

You can help prevent Chester from becoming one big safari park by donating to Chester Zoo here. Only when they have raised enough money can we be sure the animals won’t be unleashed on the locals.

Lover of red wine, real ale, Liverpool FC and most things geeky. Darren has been pottering about on the internet since the late 90s, and helps businesses increase their online presence through his agency Engage Web.


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