A local Ellesmere Port youth, Steve Spanks, was praised by family, neigbours and even the local media after helping out his elderly neighbours during the lockdown.

Steve, a well-known menace to retailers for many years, has been aiding those unable to leave their homes to buy groceries by shoplifting for others over the past few weeks.

Normally Steve would be found loitering outside The Asdas, in Ellesmere Port, covering the floor in saliva and occasionally entering the store for a bit of light-fingered discounted ‘shopping’. However, during the current crisis Steve has applied his talents to helping those less fortunate than himself.


One of Steve’s elderly neighbours, 92-year-old Gladys Tricklebladder, from Girton Road, has been unable to leave her home for several weeks. She praised the teenager for his selfless acts of kindness.

She commented:

That little toerag has been a godsend. He’s kept me in fags, wine and batteries for weeks. Never asked for a penny from me either, the f*cking little tea leaf.

Steve has been making regular runs to The Asdas for supplies for his neighbours, and has never once had to spend any money due to his large puffy jacket, and swift-of-foot exits.

Local news outlet, Cheshire Live, praised Steve saying he should be rewarded with a medal for his exploits. Steve was extremely modest in the praise, commented:

Nah, I don’t need a medal. Nicked loads from that old bat’s house when I dropped off her fags.

The manager of The Asdas, in Ellesmere Port, wasn’t as full of praise for Steve as everyone else. He commented:

If I catch that little c*nt I’ll f*ucking kill him.



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