With the whole of the UK on a form of lockdown, even burglars are now managing to work from home, it would appear.
Twenty-six-year-old Rob Holmes, from Ellesmere Port, has been working from home for the last few weeks and has so far managed to burgle himself five times. Rob usually enters his home through the back door, smashing the glass to gain enter. So far he has stolen a widescreen TV, a PlayStation 3 and over £300 in cash.
Rob conducts the burglaries while his wife, Donna, is asleep upstairs with their children Merlot and Stella.
Once Rob steals his loot, he runs out of the back door before escaping round the side gate and coming home again in the front door – only to find he’s been the victim of burglary.
His wife, Donna Holmes, commented:
The stupid c*nt. He’s broken our back door every f*cking time just to run round the side of our house carrying our own sh*t.
When Rob was asked he’d called the police on the burglars, Rob cursed:
I ain’t no f*cking grass!
Rob and Donna live on Girton Road, in Ellesmere Port, and Rob’s full time job is that of a local burglar. His usual round seems him robbing from homes across Ellesmere Port but, due to the restrictions of having to work from home, Rob has resorted to robbing himself over the last few weeks.
Nobody thinks how this lockdown will affect people like Rob. He’s too thick to realise he’s robbing from himself, the daft twat.