The nation being forced to stay at home over the next few weeks due to Coronavirus has led analysts to predict the UK’s number of alcoholics to drastically increase.
Currently, the UK enjoys the highest number per capita of booze-addled citizens anywhere in the world, with one in two Brits being a raging alcoholic.
Boffins believe being stuck at home over the next few weeks with nothing to do but watch TV and get completely shit-faced will see that figure double, to everyone in the country.
UK supermarkets are currently completely empty of all forms of alcohol, except for Corona (obviously, Brits aren’t stupid) due to the nation’s piss merchants bulk-buying their booze for the few weeks in isolation. You can’t even find Babycham on the shelves, as the country that will literally drink anything is currently drinking anything (apart from Corona).
Professor T.H. Robbin Nutzack commented:
The British public is unique throughout the world as the only group of people who can survive solely on alcohol. I fully expect every man, woman and child to emerge from isolation completely off their tits.