The UK is said to be absolutely devastated to discover the ginger packing up and leaving for the USA is NOT Ed Sheeran.

When news broke that a famous ginger was taking a step back from public life and emigrating to the USA, to live forever, Britain was understandably ecstatic at the news.

It thought the ginger in question was unfathomably well-shagged rust top, Ed Sheeran. However it soon emerged the ginger was, in fact, Prince Harry.

Advertisement

Furthermore, Prince Harry is taking his well-fit misses, Meghan Markle, with him. This has come as a double blow to the nation.

Kev Spanks, from Ellesmere Port, describes the moment when he believed Sheeran was leaving the country for good.

I was overjoyed. No more looking at his pasty grin in newspapers, all smug and shit after probably bedding another absolute stunner.

Kev continued:

I was planning a celebratory party, where we would all come as gingers we’d rather be than Ed Sheeran. I had my white shorts, tennis racket and German accent all worked out.

Then tragedy struck.

When I realised Prince Harry was leaving, and Ed Sheeran was staying, it was like being told your kitten has to be put to sleep. Fuck.

As a further blow to the nation, DJ and all-round annoying bloke Chris Evans, is also remaining in the UK.