Keith Richards, the 1000-year-old immortal who defies the laws of science and nature, was responsible for a server crash on the face ageing app FaceApp this weekend.

The app, which is run by the Russian KGB and gathers data on unsuspecting dimwits who help to hone its face ageing algorithm, has been hugely popular this last few weeks. Numpties have been readily feeding their data into the app in an act of gross stupidity only rivalled by people who enter Centre Parcs or PlayStation competitions on Facebook hoping to win prizes for commenting and sharing.

By taking your photo with the app, you’re able to accurately predict what you will look like in 20, 30 or 50 years’ time. The Russians behind the app use it for tracking spies who disappeared decades ago, so they can approximate how they will look today. By giving the app hundreds of thousands of test subjects, the Russians now believe no spy will be able to escape them.


At least they did, before Keith Richards threw a spanner in their works.

This weekend saw a huge server outage on the Russian spy software as the oldest man alive, Keith Richards, caused a feedback loop when he snapped his own face. As the software tried to predict what Keith, the guitarist for the Rolling Stones, would look like in 30 years’ time. The algorithm collapsed in on itself, causing a stack overflow and the entire server to crash, losing everybody’s data.

A spokesperson for FaceApp, Boris Schniper, explained the issue:

Mr Richards was never supposed to use the software. His aged face is not supposed to exist. He caused a mathematical anomaly that has ruined our spy database… I mean fun app.

Keith, who’s first band was the Merry Men when he performed with them around 1380, used the app to see what he would like in 500 years’ time.


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