Americans, this week, insisted that light beers such as ‘Bud Light’ and ‘Coors Light’ aren’t shit.
While the rest of the world, the UK in particular, understands the notion that light beers are watery shit and taste like someone has swilled drain water around a drip tray before bottling it, Americans are of a completely different opinion.
While the UK’s beer drinkers chase the ABVs, always looking for the strongest lager in the bar, or the most ‘alcohol for their money’, Americans seem to head straight for the weakest beers on offer, caring little for the absence of taste.
Beers such as Coors Light and Bud Light dominate sales in the US, and have whole aisles dedicated to hocking them in US grocery stores such as Walmart. Whenever someone from the UK visits the US they have to be careful when ordering a beer as, unless they’re specific, they’ll end up with some weak as piss ‘water beer’ that wouldn’t get them drunk if they downed the entire contents of New Jersey.
Furthermore, even though Americans drink this insult to beers due to their low tolerance to alcohol, they have actually convinced themselves they enjoy it. They seem blissfully unaware that, because of the low alcohol content of their beers, that they have to play drinking games such as ‘beer pong’ just to make the act of drinking seem interesting.
The Bugle asked some drinkers in nearby Wrexham if they were interested in playing American-style drinking games in their pubs. Bryn Williams, a 23-stone rugby fan, commented:
Fuck off mun. The only time I puts me pint down is when it’s being filled up again.
We asked an American, 19-year-old Chuck Adams, about his liking of light beers. He looked at us with a glazed expression before shouting:
It looks like Americans will continue to make mystifying decisions with their beers, as well as their politics.