The President of the United States, businessman Donald Trump, has always taken a hard line on immigration. His attempts to build a wall between the US and Mexico may be ongoing, but has just unveiled plans to curb the passage of illegal immigrants into the United States.

Trump has signed a deal with Detroit-based Omni Consumer Products to produce a line of military-grade dreadnaughts to patrol the border. The dreadnaughts, codenamed ED-209, are reportedly able to identify illegal immigrants and ‘apprehend’ them with minimal use of force.

The president of Omni Consumer Products, Dick Jones, was delighted with the deal struck with President Trump. He commented:

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ED-209 will remove human error from apprehending illegal immigrants. He will offer the immigrants the chance to surrender, before using necessary force.

Dick Jones also confirmed that ED-209 won’t be using any of that ‘foreign’ language either. He will speak in good old-fashioned American English. When asked what would happen if the people trying to cross the border couldn’t speak English, mr Jones replied:

Well that would be unfortunate.

Speaking about the plan to use ED-209 to patrol the border, President Trump added.

I think it’s a very goodly idea. Great idea. The best idea. Did Obama have dreadnaughts? No he did not.

ED-209 will be dispatched as soon as the first consignment passes safety testing, or as soon as the cheque clears. Whichever comes first.