An Ellesmere Port man has recently discovered his attempts to clean the bathroom are not up to the standard his wife was expecting.

James Tomkins, from the Wezzy, spent twenty-minutes this weekend ‘cleaning‘ the bathroom after his wife had nagged him into it. The result was far from what his wife would have described as ‘clean‘.

James revealed that, while in the bathroom, he found time to read all of the football transfer rumours on the Sky Sports app on his phone, and to check what his mate’s girlfriend looked like on her recent beach holiday. However he didn’t quite have time to tackle the festering mess that was the toilet after his weekend tandoori from The Light of India, by the train station.


James confirmed his ‘cleaning‘ method on the toilet was to try flushing it a couple of times, and then (after carefully lifting up the seat) attempt to ‘remove’ the stains from the porcelain by projecting a stream of urine at them.

This did not work.

Speaking to the Bugle, James’ wife Beccy commented:

He’s a f*cking disgrace. He spends two hours having a shit and most of it is still in the pan when he’s done.

She continued:

When he takes a piss he floods the top floor. I swear most of it goes up the walls.

James’ next project is to clear out the shed, where Beccy expects he’ll spend the entire weekend before emerging with a single disposable plastic plant pot for the recycling.


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