In the UK we fucking hate our neighbours, the self-serving, condescending pricks. One of the great pleasures we get in life is annoying the shit out of them. However, in today’s uncertain world of economic desperation, annoying your neighbours doesn’t always come cheap.
Luckily we’ve put together a list of 7 cost-effective ways to annoy your neighbours. How many have you tried?
1 – Have an argument with your significant other
There’s no better way to annoy your neighbours than by having a 7am slanging match with your significant other, ideally while stood at the top of stairs. Remember to scream, shout and slam doors for maximum impact.
If your neighbour works nights, you’ll need to vary the times of your arguments for when they’re fast asleep.
2 – Get your kids to take up a musical instrument
Who doesn’t love the sound of children learning to play an instrument, such as a clarinet, violin or drum? Well, nobody does. That’s kinda the point. Kids playing instruments is incredibly annoying. You can make this even more cost-effective by having a friend or family member purchase the instrument as a birthday or Christmas gift.
3 – Conduct conversations with visitors from your bathroom window
Who says conversations should be held by people in the same room, or even in the same building? The best conversations are conducted while someone walks past your house and you scream at the top of your lungs from an upstairs window. Remember to follow up every sentence from your conversation pal with ‘What?’ so they say it again, only louder.
4 – Consistently park your car in front of their drive way
This one costs you nothing, and is extremely satisfying. By parking your car in front of their drive way you’re blocking them in for the whole day. What’s more, there’s absolutely nothing they can legally do about it as it’s an offence to move or damage your car.
5 – Have a BBQ while their washing is out… and don’t invite them
This one has the double whammy of both ruining their washing, and pissing them off because you’re having a good time. No one ever likes to see their neighbours enjoying themselves. It’s imprinted in our psyche to want our neighbours to be miserable, so really annoy them by laughing, drinking and tucking into cheap meats from Asdas, which have been poorly cooked over drum of barely hot enough coal.
6 – Place wind chimes in your garden
In the UK we have a lot of wind. What better way to let your neighbours know that a gust of wind has passed through your garden than with a wind chime placed next to their fence? This handy little tool will piss them off at all hours, even when you’re asleep or on holiday. Every single time a gentle breeze passes through, it makes an irritating noise certain to get right on their tits.
On hot summer’s days it will ensure they can’t open their bedroom window at night, for fear of the constant jangling of your fucking annoying wind chimes.
7 – Put your rubbish in their bins
Missed bin day? I bet your neighbour didn’t, the smug pricks. No matter, simply put your shit in their bins. That’ll teach the bastards. Make it even more vengeful by placing recyclable materials in their bins, such as cans, cardboard and glass, so they get one of those snarky little stickers from the bin men.
That’s just what they deserve… the wankers.
So there you have it. 7 cost-effective ways to really annoy your neighbours. Let us know which is your favourite, and which ones you’re going to try next.