As the Tories lose yet another twat, Therese May has followed the nation’s woeful train operators in launching a ‘twat replacement service’.
Train operators, such as Merseyrail, have long since had a ‘bus replacement service’ where one slow, ineffective service is replaced with something even worse. With it being something of a British tradition to replace something shit with something shitter, Theresa May has today announced the Conservatives are introducing a ‘twat replacement service’.
One twat, David Davis, quit his position this morning, and now super-twat Boris Johnson has quit as well. That’s two twats cancelled in the same day. With a distinct shortage of twats in the cabinet, Theresa May was concerned the twat levels would fall to an all-time low. Therefore the ‘twat replacement service’ was announced this morning to ensure a minimum twat quota was maintained.
The plan is to have a pool of twats on standby for when the first-choice twats either quit, or do something so twatty they have to be removed – like shag their secretary or stick their love spuds inside a dead pig. Of course, some gold standard twats have ‘twat immunity’ whereby no level of twattishness would see them replaced with another twat.
The pool of stand-by twats is to contain such twats as Piers Morgan, Katie Hopkins and Jeremy Clarkson. When asked whether the twat replacement service was more if a deterrent against further twat departures, rather than something that would actually be used, May commented:
Be careful what you wish for dick heads. You want this country fucked, we’ll fuck it hard. Like your Ma.
Should any further twats depart the government this week, Piers Morgan is on stand-by to take up the mantle, just as soon as he has been removed from President Trump’s orange arse.
