A huge suitcase stuffed with cash was said to be the deciding factor on choosing the destination of the 2026 World Cup.

FIFA today revealed that a combined bid between the USA, Canada and Mexico was successful after its bid was compared against a rival bid from Morocco, with the Moroccan bid said to be lacking in the ‘untraceable readies’ department.

According to sources, Morocco completely failed to understand the bidding process and submitted an application that detailed stadiums, infrastructure, logistics and budgets. The USA, Canada and Mexico meanwhile just submitted a huge fucking suitcase stuffed with cash.


The US Football Soccer President, Carlos Cordeiro, commented about their joint bid:

We knew we’d be successful as we stuffed a large suitcase full of cash and handed in it as our bid. There was no need for anything else. Job done.

The president of FIFA, Gianni Infantino, commented after announcing the successful bid:

Morocco didn’t give us any cash. They had no chance. The USA gave us loads of cash. It was an easy decision.

The current World Cup, in Russia, was awarded due to huge brown paper bags stuffed with cash and the Qatar World Cup, in 2022, was also given to them because of a massive bribe – even though Qatar has no football stadiums, has criminalised alcohol and homosexuality, and it’s too hot in the summer to play football.

Gianni Infantino commented:

Qatar is the perfect World Cup host. Lots of money.


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