Anyone travelling to within the EU on a British passport will now be forced to strip naked for airport security, it has been revealed.

The latest salvo from the EU in imposing ridiculous sanctions on Britain following our decision to leave their ‘union’ was realised this morning, when passengers at Manchester Airport travelling to Paris were forced to strip naked.

Travellers were given no advance warning of this policy change, and were instructed it was a simple matter of ‘lose their clothes or lose their flight’.


Mrs Jane Brown-spot, from Chester, was flying to Paris on a business trip. She was forced by snotty-nosed French security to get naked in the middle of the airport before going through the scanner. She told the Bugle:

It was outrageous. I’d taken my shoes off to go through the scanner before I was stopped by some pompous prat ogling me. He looked me up and down before saying ‘your clothes. Take them off’.

Mrs Brown-spot continued:

I thought he was joking, the pervy little bastard. He wasn’t. It was explained if I didn’t get naked I’d be turned away.

Mrs Brown-spot, forced to strip by French airport security

Other passengers were more accepting of the new regulations. Mrs Bottomley stripped off during check-in, before she offloaded her baggage at the desk. She was more than happy to bare all for airport security.

I don’t mind at all. It’s all to make us safer isn’t it? If we all walked around naked we could be certain nobody had any concealed weapons, at least not very big ones.

Mrs Bottomley, ready to check her baggage

Jean-Claude Juncker, the President of the European Commission, commented about this morning’s change in air travel regulations:

This is necessary. If you British want to leave us, you must show you are no concealing anything before you come here. Plus we can laugh at your pathetic flabby bodies and tiny willies.

Mr Ballcock was travelling on Aer Lingus to Brussels, and he was forced to strip before boarding his flight. He also took the British ‘stiff upper lip’ spirit to the situation.

I’m fine with it, but then I am hung like a carthorse who’s been let loose in a field of fillies. I’m surprised I didn’t have to pay for an extra bag for my junk.

Mr Ballcock, awaiting his connection to Brussels

What do the Bugle’s readers think of the latest move from the EU? Will having to strip naked in the airport put you off travelling to Europe? Let us know in the comments below.


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