Multi-millionaire Hugh Hefner reached heaven this week, and was disappointed to find it didn’t live up to his usual lifestyle.
‘Hef’, as he is known, spent his entire life surrounded by twenty-something women all wanting to impress him by dancing naked and generally doing whatever he wanted them to – all with their parents’ willing consent. The women, known as the Playboy Bunnies, were all specifically chosen for their beauty and their ‘assets’, while Hef, in his 90s, would strut around in a smoking jacket drinking fine brandy while ogling the beauties.
As the women reached an age where Hef no longer found them attractive, they were replaced with younger, prettier versions.
It’s fair to say Hef led the life every red-blooded male could only dream of. Upon his death this week Hef expected to reach eternal paradise in heaven, but was bitterly disappointed with what he found. Speaking exclusively to the Bugle, Hef commented:
Heaven’s crap. There’s no naked women. No brandy and no Playboy Bunnies. I’d have hung on a bit longer had I known what a let-down it would be.
The Playboy mansion now needs a new dirty old man to oversee the constant parade of young, nubile women wearing practically nothing. If you think you’re up to the job, comment below telling us why you should become the new Hef.