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Sunday, March 24, 2019

Sugar Puffs to be renamed ‘Saccharine Shirt Lifters’

The breakfast cereal that used to be known as Sugar Puffs is to be renamed again, this time to Saccharine Shirt Lifters.

Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs

Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

Childless Couple Seeks ‘Most Annoying’ Christmas Present for Friends’ Kids

A childless, incredibly happy, couple from Chester are shopping for the most annoying Christmas present for their friends' kids. Twenty-somethings Jenny and James Rowlands, from...

Local FURY as Cheshire Oaks renamed ‘Chester Oaks’

Ellesmere Port residents are reportedly furious at the decision to change the name of Cheshire Oaks to Chester Oaks. The name change, which has already...

McDonald’s to trial vending machines in Ellesmere Port

Peddler of high calorie children’s’ meals, McDonald’s, is to trial new vending machines in Ellesmere Port due to the uproar caused by the recent...

Fat kids turn to cannibalism as McDonalds closes for three months

As the shocking news emerged today that Cheshire Oaks McDonalds is closing for three months, Ellesmere Port’s fat kids have already started eating each...

Ellesmere Port Asda first to hire FAT PEOPLE as human bicycle racks

Chubby trouser tamers can now earn some extra pasty money by acting as bicycle racks outside Asda in Ellesmere Port. The move was announced this...

Coinstar CEO laughing tits off at poor who give him money

The CEO of Coinstar, Erik E. Prusch, has been laughing his absolute tits off at all of the poor people who chuck their money...

Costa to open new Costa inside a Costa

Costa Coffee announced this week it was planning to open a new branch of Costa inside an existing Costa. We recently reported how the coffee...
Annoyed shoppers

Man blissfully unaware facing direction he’s walking results in fewer collisions

An Ellesmere Port man recently bumped into no fewer than SEVENTEEN different people while walking around Cheshire Oaks. Each time he bumped into someone...

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