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Chester
Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Lifestyle

From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Queen wins Chester’s inaugural gurning competition

Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant...

Couple insists hot tub isn’t a sex stew

A CHESTER couple has recently claimed their new hot tub isn’t a sex stew, contrary to the opinions of their friends and public perception. The...

Dolphin gets tattoo of human on its arse

Blue Planet Aquarium, in Ellesmere Port, announced this morning that one of its dolphins had acquired a tattoo. The dolphin, named Jackson, has a...

Ellesmere Port Gym FORCED to have gender-neutral changing rooms

Gender campaigners have won a battle to force an Ellesmere Port gym to ditch its outdated ‘male’ and ‘female’ changing rooms in favour of...

Lorry driver begins 20-minute overtaking manoevre

The driver of a Pound Stretcher lorry has just commenced a marathon 20-minute overtaking manoeuvre on the M42. The lorry driver is attempting to...

Not a single problem that couldn’t be solved with more guns – claims Trump

Orange buffoon, Donald Trump, declared there isn’t a single problem in the world that couldn’t be solved by adding more guns to the mix. Speaking...

Facebook requests for ‘Eye Tint TIA’ confirmed as code for ANAL BLEACHING

Eye Tint TIA actually means 'Anal Bleaching - Troublesome Itchy Anus' it has been revealed. Frequent requests on Facebook groups for someone to do ‘Eye...

Scientists PROVE giving birth ‘not that painful’

LEADING scientists have today proven that the ‘pain’ women claim to feel during childbirth is, in fact, not that painful at all. For many years...

Woman asking for recommendations on Facebook really wants the cheapest

An Ellesmere Port woman posting on Facebook for personal recommendations isn’t in the slightest bit interested in the quality, it has been confirmed. Twenty-six-year-old...

Ellesmere Port Asda first to hire FAT PEOPLE as human bicycle racks

Chubby trouser tamers can now earn some extra pasty money by acting as bicycle racks outside Asda in Ellesmere Port. The move was announced this...

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