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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Childless Couple Seeks ‘Most Annoying’ Christmas Present for Friends’ Kids

A childless, incredibly happy, couple from Chester are shopping for the most annoying Christmas present for their friends' kids. Twenty-somethings Jenny and James Rowlands, from...

EPSV offers free 12-months membership to migrants

The EPSV (Ellesmere Port Sports Village) is offering free 12-month memberships to migrants today only to celebrate International Migrants Day. International Migrants Day is celebrated...

British ‘Hansel and Gretel’ leave predatory witch homeless

An evil witch has been left homeless after a brother and sister, from Ellesmere Port, scoffed her entire house. The witch, 376-year-old Agnes, had lived...

Scientists PROVE giving birth ‘not that painful’

LEADING scientists have today proven that the ‘pain’ women claim to feel during childbirth is, in fact, not that painful at all. For many years...

Man lists ‘taking a shit’ among his favourite pastimes

In a recent conversation with friends Ellesmere Port man, John Chubs, has listed having a good shit as one of his favourite hobbies. The discussion...

Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs

Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

Drivers who hog the middle lane to be put on a register

A new law will come into effect next year that will see middle-lane hoggers put on a register. The law, which passed with a Commons...

We’re out out, stop asking if anyone’s seen us – say cats

The nation’s cats have issued a statement saying they’re out out, not just out, and they’re fed up of people asking if anyone’s seen...

McDonald’s to trial vending machines in Ellesmere Port

Peddler of high calorie children’s’ meals, McDonald’s, is to trial new vending machines in Ellesmere Port due to the uproar caused by the recent...

Woman finds store opening time WITHOUT asking Facebook

An ELLESMERE PORT woman has discovered the opening time of a local shop she wanted to visit without asking on Facebook. The woman, 32-year-old Lisa...

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