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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

British ‘Hansel and Gretel’ leave predatory witch homeless

An evil witch has been left homeless after a brother and sister, from Ellesmere Port, scoffed her entire house. The witch, 376-year-old Agnes, had lived...

Welshman lasts nearly two days into ‘Go Sober for October’, sets new personal best

Bryn Thomas, from Chester, lasted almost 12 hours into October 2nd without consuming alcohol for the month. He had planned, as he does every...

YODEL and CSA combine to create one big clusterfuck

Lovers of absolute chaos and dimwittery are rejoicing today as the Child Support Agency announced a partnership deal with parcel destroyer YODEL. YODEL is consistently...

‘Sorry About the Smell’ voted NEW Ellesmere Port town slogan

A competition to find a new town slogan for Ellesmere Port has found a popular winner, with the chosen slogan set to be used...

YOLO Tells Momo to F.O.

YOLO has returned from 2011 to tell Momo to Fuck Off, it has been confirmed. YOLO, which means You...

KFC Challenge: Try to eat here without being disappointed at the direction your life...

KFC, in Ellesmere Port, has issued a challenge to its customers to eat a ‘meal’ in the ‘restaurant’ without feeling in disappointed in the...

December best month for spotting shit neighbourhoods, says property guru

Property guru Phil Spencer, one half of ‘Kirsty and Phil’ from TV’s Location Location Location has claimed that December is the best month for...

Man with tape to replace traffic lights in Ellesmere Port

After an initial trial this weekend at Cheshire Oaks, all traffic lights in Ellesmere Port will be replaced by men holding a bit of...

Your mum banned from ‘All You Can Eat’ buffet

Your mum has been banned from an ‘all you can eat’ buffet in Chester, it has been revealed. The news came this week as the...

Dolphin gets tattoo of human on its arse

Blue Planet Aquarium, in Ellesmere Port, announced this morning that one of its dolphins had acquired a tattoo. The dolphin, named Jackson, has a...

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